The Answering Machine
by Erika Darkmoon
Summary: A phone company guy named Tom calls the Yugioh Gang's cell phones. What horrible Answering Machines Messages we'll he hear? Read and find out! R&R please!


Erika: Hiya! I'm back with a new fic!

Bakura: Apparently.

Erika: glare shut the fuck up Bakura.

Bakura: No.

Erika: Fine, I guess Mr. Bubbles can die…..I'm in the mood for Roast Duck tonight aren't you?

Bakura: NOOOOOOOO! ANYONE BUT MR. BUBBLES!

Erika: Mwahahahahahahahaha! Will you shut up?

Bakura: nod

Erika: Good. Anyhoodles, here's 'The Answering Machine'.

Tom, the guy working for some random phone company, saw the list of numbers on his paper. He sighed with relief as there was only fourteen numbers. He dialed the first one and the answering machine picked up.

"Hey this is Anzu! If you're a lesbian…..HANG UP THE FUCKING PHONE! If you happen to be Marik, the complete dumbass, then go to hell 'cause I hate you. If this is Shizuka, Mai, Isis, Yuugi, Ryou, or Atemu then leave a message after my stupid tone. Oh, and if this is Bakura……..I'm after you Albino Rat! BEEP!"

Tom looked at the phone and hung up. Okay, weird person. He dialed the next number.

"Hey this is Otogi! The number one hottest, sexiest, and perverted man in Japan! I cannot reach the phone because I'm probably masturbating or fucking prostitutes and cheerleaders….except for that fat one…..so please leave a pornographic message at the moan. OH! OTOGI!"

OO!

Tom hung up again and dialed the next number.

"WHO CALLS THE GREAT PHAROAH OF EGYPT! IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A WORTHY MESSAGE SLAVE THEN I SUGGEST YOU HANG UP THE GREAT AND ALMIGHTY DEVICE! Of course this does not surpass my power, I MEAN, SPEAK AT THE SOUND OF THE GONG! BONG!"

'Okay, these people are freaks.' Tom thought as he dialed the next number.

"Hi this is Shizuka Katsuya! If you're trying to reach Jounouchi try his cell. It's 224-5761 (A/N: Not really). If you're trying to reach me then please leave your name and number at the beep and I'll get back to you! Thanks! BEEP!"

'At least she was polite.' Tom dialed again.

"Yo! Dis is Jou's cell and if you are from dat Chinese Restaurant from across da street den you'd better run for your fucking life! You gave me chocolate fortune cookies and I wanted vanilla damnit! Get da damn order right next time! Stupid assholes. Anyway, if you're one of my gay friends dan leave a message at da beep. BEEP!"

Blink, blink.

"Well that was interesting." Tom muttered.

"Hiya! This is Yuugi Mutoh's cell phone! If you've seen a stuffed bunny looking lonely it's probably Mr. Bonkers! Sniff WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME! I GAVE YOU ALL THE SEX YOU COULD HAVE HAD! WHAT DID I DO WRONG? DID I FORGET TO MOAN? WHAT DID I DO? Leave a message after the beep. Wail WHY MR. BONKERS WHY! BEEP!"

OO'

"Okay, next number."

"If this is Anzu then hang up the fucking phone you bitch! If this is the slut…..I'm not even going to waste words on you. Goody-two shoes, if you so much as hear this message I will kill you. Dumbass Pharaoh, I'm not dueling you, you're a fucking cheapskate you fucking hermaphrodite. Abiou, what in the hell do you want now? Bakura, do you have any more condoms? I ran out. Isis, why in the fuck are you using a vibrator? You have that bastard Kaiba for a fucking partner. Anyone else listening to this, why in the hell are you calling me? BEEP!"

"Well, that was strange."

"Hey this is Mokuba's cell! If this is my girlfriend Mai then leave a sexy pornographic message. If this is anyone else, screw you! Mwahahahaha! BEEP!"

Tom looked at the ceiling.

'Why me God?'

"This is Malik's cell. If this is that slut I fucked in that bar, it's over go find a new man. If it's someone else then leave me the fuck alone 'cause I don't want to hear your dumbass problems Ra Damnit! BEEP!"

"Hey hun this is Mai! If you need any type of fashion, sex that includes oral or anal, or shopping tips leave a message at the beep! BEEP!"

"This is Kaiba, this better be Isis. If it isn't…..then why in the fuck are you still on the line? BEEP!"

Tom rubbed his temples.

'Only three more.' He thought wearily.

"Hey this is Isis! Hopefully it's Kaiba! If it isn't….. noise in the background MARIK ISHTAR! WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! IS THAT MY VIBBRATOR! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!

CRUNCH!

SNAP!

SMACK!

OWW, DAMNIT ISIS THAT FUCKING HURT!

WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE YOU BASTARD!

WHAM-O!

Anyway, please leave your name and number at the tone. G'bye! BEEP!"

"Someone is PMSing." Tom muttered wearily.

"This is Honda! If this Otogi then please have sex with me! Leave a message cause I'm fucking my dog! OHH! WOOF! WOOF! RINGO!"

(A/N: Sound familiar DIS?)

'These people are insane!' Tom thought scratching the number off the list. One last number.

"G'day mate! You've reached Ryou's cell and I cannot get to the phone right now----

No dip Sherlock.

Shut the hell up Bakura!

Make me.

CRUNCH!

OH HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

Anyway mate, leave a message at the beep. BEEP!"

Tom scratched the number off and smiled with relief. No more messages. Thank you god.

Erika: Sooooo, how'd ya like it? Please please PLEASE REVIEW! I'd really appreciate it.

Bakura: Right.

Erika: I have the knife ready Bakura!

Bakura: Rolls his eyes but shuts up

Erika: beams Okay well sayonara everyone!


End file.
